Word Vomit

I really need to word vomit....

I've been really stressed out lately and it's all bottling up and I need to get it out. School is starting to get intense, not that it hasn't been all semester just for some reason I have been oblivious to it and with three weeks left in it it's definitly crunch time. I'm stressing about my grades, how much shit is left before it ends and essentially I want to crawl in a hole and wake up when it's over.

My finances are all jumbled. Not bad but just readjusting. I had been getting unemployment from when I seperated from active duty and stretched it out for as long as possible but all good things must come to an end and they did :( So now to keep track of that checkbook. The boyfriend seems to still think I make mad money and it's not that I'm not okay I have enough in my savings to cover me but still, I need to relearn how to live within my means.

I gained weight and it just seems to be a constant battle for me which I am really frustrated over. I was really excited when I lost and was in the 40's for the first time since High School and now I'm back up in the 155 range. :( I hate my life in this aspect. I'm hoping that when the semester is over I'll be able to start really working on it but right now I just have no time for the gym.

Me and Nick have been good. We just have a few things we argue about...mainly my upcoming deployment. He's having a really hard time dealing with the fact that I'm going to be gone. It's going to suck yes, but I volunteered way before we were together and I'm really worried that he isn't going to be able to handle it. He's a jealous boyfriend and I know he's going to think I'm cheating on him all the time, he's going to be cutting for his bodybuilding show so he's just going to be grumpy all together. I'm only going to be gone for 60-days but I just have a feeling it's going to be a LOONNNNGGGG 60 days for us. I just really hope and pray that he can learn to trust me and understand how much I love him and that I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our relationship. I've been on the other side of the fence and trust me, the grass is definitly NOT greener. It's nothing I can force though, he needs to come to that conclusion on his own...I just really hope and pray he does.

Speaking of Nick, we're planning on moving in together, which he's going to move in before I leave so we can try to see how we are together all the time. Probably going to be a little stressful. I'm excited but at the same time a little nervous. I've never lived with a guy before...I've had female roommates but never lived with a guy I was dating.

My biological clock has started ticking too and I can't get baby off the brain! It's driving me nuts! I would LOVE to start a family but obviously right now isn't exactly the right time, but I can honestly say for like the first time EVER that I would be completely fine if it accidently happened. I'd manage. Everyone always told me that when it starts it will drive you bonkers (thanks Lesley) haha but yea it definitly does drive you NUT!!!!

I miss my old life but at the same time I love my new one. It's just different and sometimes I have some days where I just want to sit and reminence. Doesn't seem like it was that long ago, but at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago...

AGH! Okay, I feel better. I think I got everything off my chest for now. :) I'll be back in a few weeks probably to vent again haha.